Chapter 7: Letting Go

“Babe I’m back!” Nicki opened then closed the door behind her. “Faree?” Nicki made her way to the bedroom and saw Safaree sitting on the bed. He had his eyes closed and his fists balled up tight. He was shaking and breathing heavily. “Faree are you okay? What’s wrong?” Nicki began to walk over to him.

“Don’t you dare come near me.” He said in a low voice.

“What? Safaree what are you talking about?” Nicki stood in front of him but before she could say another word Safaree had pushed her across the room. She didn’t know exactly what happened but she was on the floor and her back hurt. She looked up and saw Safaree walking over to her. She stretched out her arms to be helped up but that wasn’t the response you got.

“You think you can play me? I’ve been completely faithful to you Onika and you play me like this!”

“Safaree …” Nicki was scared out of her mind. She had never seen him like this before. “Safaree please calm down.” Her voice was shaking. Safaree picked her up by the collar of her shirt and slammed her against the wall.

“Don’t tell me to calm down! You cheat on me and you think you can tell me what the fuck to do!”

“Safaree I don't know what you're talking about. I don't understand. I would never cheat on you. I love you.” Nicki was sobbing at this point. Her back hurt and her head was throbbing from being slammed into the wall. Worst of all, she was being thrown around and yelled at by the man that was supposed to love and protect her. Safaree gripped her neck and leaned close to her face.

“Don't you dare lie to me.” He spat and tightened his grip. It was getting harder for Nicki to breathe. The air was escaping and it wasn't coming back.

“Sa-fa-ree p-lease.” She could barely get the words out.

“I give you my all…” Safaree could feel himself getting angrier by the second. “…and Rex comes and tells me you sucked him off!” Safaree was gripping her neck with all force. She was starting to slip away and see the light leave her.

“Sa-fa…” that was it Nicki slipped away into the darkness.

“Nicki … Nicki … Nicki.” Nicki woke up to see Safaree hovering over her gently shaking her. Her eyes got wide at the sudden site of Safaree but she quickly composed herself when she looked around and realized that she was on a plane.

“Hey sleepy.” Safaree smiled. “We just landed. You hungry?” He asked as he unbuckled her seatbelt for her. She was dazed and out of breath but then remembered that they were flying to Australia.

“Nic?”

“Hmm?”

“You hungry?”

“Uh, no. Just tired.”

“You want me to carry you to the limo?”

“No Safaree I can walk.” She said annoyed then getting up. As soon as she took a step, she tripped and nearly fell but Safaree was right there to catch her.

“Thanks.” Nicki said dryly.

“I'll always be here for you Nic.” She still didn't feel like talking to him. She was jetlagged and drowsy from her sleeping pills. It was only 2:00 in the afternoon but she was in no condition to be exploring Australia right now. Nicki, Safaree, and the rest of her team arrived at the hotel and checked in. When Nicki entered the master suite Safaree entered behind her carrying her bags. They made their way into the bedroom and she plopped down on the bed. She watched Safaree set her bags in front of the dresser. She was expecting him to leave but then he started to unpack her bags for her. To say she was annoyed would be an understatement. She was still mad at him.

“Safaree you don’t have to do that.”

“It's no problem Nic really.” He continued to unpack her shoe bag and placed two more pairs in the closet. Nicki closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“Safaree I just wanna go to sleep and I can’t do that with you messing around in my bags.” Safaree looked up and caught the attitude in her voice.

“This is about Drake isn’t it?”

“Safaree not now.”

“Yes Nicki now.” Safaree stood up. “You see how he's ruined stuff for us? Before the VMAs you were comfortable around me and now you ignore me every time you see me.”

“You did this to yourself Safaree.”

“But we don’t even talk anymore.”

“Like I said, you did this to yourself.”

“But I miss that, the jokes and the good memories we use to make.”

“Fine! You want to talk let’s talk. Sit down.” Safaree figured he wouldn’t try his luck by sitting on the bed so he pulled up a chair. He waited for her to start. “You broke my trust. How am I supposed to talk and joke around with a person that I don’t trust?”

“You can trust me Nicki.” She waited a while before speaking

“You know what I just realized?”

“What?”

“All this time I’ve been blaming you for everything that goes wrong with me and Drake, but none of this is your fault.” A smile spread across Safaree’s face.

“Well I’m glad you feel that way because-”

“It’s mine.” She cut him off. “It’s all my fault because I let you ruin things for us. I keep you around.” Safaree’s smiled dropped. “But from now on that’s going to change.”

“Nicki what are you-”

“Give me your key.”

“What?” He didn’t understand what was going on. He thought this conversation would be going in a completely different direction.”

“Give me your key to my house… both of them.”

“Nicki-”

“Give them to me Safaree… or were done.” Safaree couldn’t believe this was happening but he didn’t want to lose Nicki forever. He reached in his pocket and removed the key from his keychain, then pulled out his wallet and took the second one out too. He gave them both to her and immediately felt detached. “And as soon as we get home I want you to give me the last one in your condo. Got it?”

“Yeah… but I was just tryin to protect you Nic.”

“Protect me from what Safaree, the man I love? Don’t you want me to be happy?”

“Of course but I just don’t understand why you can’t be happy with me.”

“You gave that option up when you put your hands on me and you know that.” There was sadness in Safaree’s tone but sternness in Nicki’s.

“But it was one mistake.” He felt a tear slide down his cheek. Nicki was the only person that he would let see him at his weakest.

“One mistake that put me in the hospital with a concussion and bruises all over my back. It’s just not going to work. I can’t put myself back in that situation. You should be lucky I’m not scared to be alone with you in this room right now.” Safaree dropped his head in shame. Nicki stretched her hand out and placed it on top of his. “I forgive you but you need to realize that I have another man in my life now, and if you can’t accept that then we have to part ways.” Safaree cupped her small hand in both of his. “Can you deal with just being my hype man? Can you deal with just being my friend?”

“But what about our kiss? I could feel we had a moment.”

“It was a moment of the past Safaree.”

“But you still love me. I know you do.” Safaree rubbed small circles in the back of Nicki’s hand with his thumb and Nicki pulled away.

“Of course I love you Safaree. I’ll always have a special place in my heart for you but I’ve moved on and I want you to do the same. So stop budding into my relationship. Please Safaree, he makes me happy. Just let me be happy.” Nicki looked at his hurt expression and waited for a response. Safaree thought about it well before answering.

“Okay.” He answered lowly.

“Okay?” She didn’t expect him to agree that easily but she was happy that he would still be in her life.

“I’ll always be here for you. You know that right?”

“Yes Safaree thank you.” She held out her arms for a hug and Safaree stood up then bent down to hug her.

“But if Drake does anything to hurt you…” Safaree shook his head. “…I’ll kick his ass.” Nicki laughed to herself and pulled apart from him.

“Safaree I’m tired.”

“Okay, well I'll see you later. He walked towards the door and as he opened it he looked back. “And I'm sorry for everything. You can trust me Nicki.” And with that he let himself out. Nicki went to the bathroom to shower. When she came back she checked her phone to see if Drake had replied to any of her texts but he hadn’t. She climbed into the king-sized bed and texted Drake one last time before she went to bed.

-       I love you

She fell asleep waiting for Drake to reply.

*****

Drake lied in bed staring at his phone. He kept reading Nicki’s message over and over. He didn't know what to think. He had started to have doubts about whether this was the right direction to go in his life. He had loved Nicki since the first day he laid eyes on her at Young Money’s first meet and greet but even then Safaree was with her 24/7. That’s why it took him so long to get some courage and ask Nicki out.

Maybe he had waited too long to make his move. What he didn’t understand was what this message meant.  I love you. Wow. Did she really love him or was she just stringing him along. Why would she wait until the big blowup to finally tell him that she loved him? But deep down he knew Nicki and he knew that she would never toss around that word. Love. Drake got up and packed a bag but he didn’t bother to change. That was the furthest thing from his mind. He called Forty while making his way out the door.

“Yo what up Drizzy what you need?” Forty spoke with clear sleep in his voice. It was only 10:00 in the morning but he hadn’t gotten up yet.

 “Sorry for waking you up man but I’m leaving now so we’ll have to push back the meeting.”

“What? Leaving where?”

“I don’t know yet but I’ll let you know soon. I gotta go.” Drake punched in the code for his house alarm system. “I’ll talk to you later man.”

“Wait dude why are you leaving?”

“To get my woman back.” Drake hung up the phone, got in his car, and drove to the airport. He didn’t know where Nicki was but he was determined to find out and bring her home.

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